Ladles and juniormints!
Today, for the first time, we break from our normal JRS format to bring you this SPECIAL EDITION JRS, an invitation for you, composed by guest Rabbit, Chicken John.
Take it away, Chick:
BURNING MAN THEME ART: THE ODYSSEY
“So I call Larry as I do every year. I says to him ‘I got a great idea for that thing in the desert!’ And so it goes… what started out as a joke is now on blueprint paper. I proposed to build a 350 foot long table constructed out of cement, manufactured with only locally available materials: hay, sand, lime and gypsum. The table would be beautiful, with mosaic LEDs in the top protected by a thick coat of resin. Lanterns would dangle from steel uprights every 10 feet. It would be accidental dinner theatre, BYOD. The tables would last decades. They would be used again and again for different things. A recyclable resource made from recycled stuff that costs nothing but labor.
He shot it down. Why? Simple. ‘It’s too heavy.’ OK, I concede. It would have weighed 18 tons. He came back at me, ‘Forget that craftsman crap. Make the table out of something that doesn’t weigh in like an asteroid and put your own stage next to it and book acts like you do at the Odeon!’
And so it goes, my worth as an artist is diminished again by my value as a administrative maker of phone calls. Instead of cement, it’s milkcrates. Instead of a beautiful mosaic, it’s scrap plywood. But I put a twist on it. Well, I actually made it a circle. The table is 360 feet long, but in the round. A stage sits in the middle. I asked for $40,000 so I could book Neil Diamond. He shot it down. He told me to go fundraise the money. Told me I could use his mailing list to advertise it. So I called some of the acts that would play on my Chaos Cabaret stage and asked them to perform at the following show:
Phlembay Lounge presents:
ROCK THE BOAT — a Dammit, LTD production
this Thursday, July 18th 9pm
at Kelly’s Mission Rock
A madcap maritime musical extravaganza PERFORMED ENTIRELY ON BOATS
All hosted by the unfathomable
THE MERMEN — the swells and psychedelic sounds of surf music gone insane
XTRA ACTION MARCHING BAND — that brassy parade of percussion and piracy
MONGOLOUNGE — a mutant whirlpool of Devo and wet martinis
DJ OTTO VON STROHEIM — that enigmatic baron of exotic big island rhythms
ATTABOY AND BURKE — the wily wordsmith duo sentenced to death!!!
DJ OUCHY THE CLOWN — Slap and tickle, less the tickle!
JEWELS — Glamorous Sideshow Shenanigans
:and a special appearance by:
THE NAKED FIRE BABES
It’s an armada of rock-solid entertainment amidst a Floating World. You landlubbers lounge from the dry docks and decks of Kelly’s shores, well within armsreach of any number of intoxications. Yes, this haven to unsavory characters is filled with venemous elixirs as well as culinary delights. So drink your fill of wine and spirits, eat to your heart’s delight and take in some of San Francisco’s most see-worthy entertainment. Sorry. Ahem.
Admission to this treacherous cruise is a dainty 20 dollars.
:15 dollars for those with a bad tattoo or a good scar:
(basically, a $15-$20 sliding scale)
The Chaos Cabaret stage will commence (if the benefit show goes OK) on the playa in 4 acts representing the final drama; Comedy, Tragedy, Romance and Mystery. Some of the acts booked for the stage (so you know what you are supporting) are as follows:
The Bike Rodeo
The Extra Action Marching Band
Harvey Sid Fisher
Jewles (nothing impossible)
The Torture King
Attaboy and Burke
And of course, the Naked Fire Babes!!!!!
So I booked the benefit show, and I booked it all on boats. In the water. Floating world and all. Thought it was appropriate. The event will be a fun one to throw — err… cast — whatever. And the stage at Burning Man will be epic.
But it’s all different now. It’s better in a lot of ways. But I remember one night 7 years ago being a great night. Accidentally. May I share this evening with you? Why, thank you. So kind:
Sunday night, September 3, 1995. Black Rock City was a disorganized mess. Under the stern direction of John Law, Burning Man was in it’s infancy of logistic concern. This is before we decided on streets. Everyone camped wherever. The man’s feet were staked into the ground. The center stage was three 4×8 pieces of plywood. Everyone had a sidearm. It was a bit different then it is now. But the moon, it was bright. And the night was warm. Kinda perfect. The SRL rocket car cruised around the man a few times, and then the man went down.
So did everything else. Ya see, with no streets and with tents strewn everywhere and no more monolith burning man to guide everyone home, Chaos ensued. No one could find their tent. We were all lost. As I was warming my hands on the fire that used to be the bulletin board, a jeep pulled up with some hunter guy in it. He cracked open a Coors Light and approached the fire. He said hello, with great trepidation. He asked a naked hippy chick what was going on.
She relayed the following message in a hippy-dippy voice: ‘We come to burn the man and dance and be free…’ He looked around the fire at the other people to get an approval. When he looked at me I said to him in my best game show voice ‘That’s right, we have completed the Wicker Man Burning portion of our event and now we are just waiting for the Gods to bring us our human sacrifice. Your name isn’t Bob, is it?’ Well, nailing this guys name doesn’t make me a genius or anything, but it sure was funny to watch him start his jeep and drive away.
We left the fire and found ourselves in a camp that was playing a tape recording of Anton LeVay arguing with a conservative minister. It was hysterical, especially due to our geographic location in the free love fest or whatever. We walked some more and were offered lasagna on a stick. We all took turns doing the hustle outside the camera obscura so everyone could watch 3-D disco. It was a magical night where nothing could go wrong and I return every year in part to try to get a piece of that evening back. This whole argument whether it was better then or now whatever… of course it was better WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER! DUH! We could stay awake longer to enjoy it.
Anyway, saw a guy last year, all naked, kinda green body paint, dancing like an idiot… kinda looked like Bob… magical night. Chaos ensues. More, please.”
We hope you enjoyed this interlude from Chicken John, and that we’ll see you on the Bay tomorrow night to kick off the weekend.
The Jack Rabbit Speaks regular edition returns tomorrow.